My heart beats for you
It stops and starts and bleeds for you
when breath leaves my body
and my lips have long turned blue
dirt suffocates my soul
and still I'll be begging for you.

I believe in all your promises,
and the way you hollow out my name.
I need the lies you say
to hide what I became.
And now that everything is over
(you dont look at me the same)
But I need you, to dull the pain.

Nobody ever says anything that means something.
I feel like I should be living but I feel like I'm dying.
I'm closing on an edge and I can't see over.
I'm drowning.

Reached the end of MY rope. I don't like the way you treat ME so I am doing something about it. If I am not nice to you then you DON'T deserve niceness from me. A lot of things can go both ways. And when you come to realisation what has changed you have no one but yourself to blame because I have done MY part. I AM DONE.

I read this somewhere

What can I say I can absolutely relate.

To be honest I am not a nice person... Actually I am the worst...I play games because its fun and I purposely will make you feel like an idiot... My standards are High because I want the best but deep down inside I know I will be settling for the rest of my life. I am... an outcast in the sense that no one is like me...I am the worst person because I am a female who trusts no one.

Its been a week filled with suprises. Disappointments and realization. In so many ways than expected.

Yet again I find myself having to start moving on time and time again.
I feel for Her and Him. I want to protect them both from it all but
How do you do that when everyone around it is trying to do the same
and failing miserably.
You two on the other hand are no longer seen the same way in my eyes
Some people just don't deserve what they get.
How sad it is to stand on the side lines and watch it all pass by
Is that how the rest sees me?

All these colors...One prevails

I wanted to lay in bed and not get up. Start my day, my life with out anyone important in it.Away way back to the time when I once thought I was in love or to just a look at a few months back was a blast. To how much I have changed not knowing how long it will last.
I do it finally ; roll out of bed unlike the few days from the week before I actually get myself to the shower instead of putting on clean clothes and spraying some smell good on. I stand in there multitasking. Trying to keep track of time while I wonder off in my thoughts of how to keep this facade.
I put on my green polo's but blend it down with my grey vest. The irony of it how I try to show my bright but subconsciously covering it up with my true colors. As I wait for my ride to the life I no longer want to be part of or have no place in. I try again. I put on the red nail polish I have been saying I will do the past few days. Red, Red, Red, Red, Red, Red, Red, Red, Red, Red. As I look down at my hands...10 things race to my mind. for every finger I panted red.
Red for the flowers I wish you would leave on my door steps.


Red for the relationship I wish would grow and ripen,


Red for fire we lack.


Red hate,


Red passion,


Red revolution I could bring bring to this all,


Red for the battle I will fight,


Red of the sunset that seems to end us.


Red for my inside that bleeds,


Red when I reach the bottom of my spectrum.