Trust... I just can't seem to get enough

Somethings just haven't been left in 2010. Something I wish could have been left in 2010 and others that have been around since '08 no longer are.
I lost a friend to my temper start of this week. Temper caused by something I have told my self would never cause anything like this and if it did not to be spoke of. I held on to something that gave me the power and justification to act an ass or for why I acted like a crazy woman by bursts of anger years ago and I gave it all way in less than 5 minutes let it consume me then end my friendship one thats has been around longer than my relationship because I was having issues trusting the person I am dating.
I would ask what you think about why it is I can't ever believe what I hear from those that say the love and care about me? I say its because those that used caring and loving as a glue to stay in my life have done nothing but bring me down and lie to my face so why why should this time be any different so I thought if he loves. has me and is telling me that its the truth I thought so could some one else that says they cared for me or loved me before this one came along.
I don't seem to let go to be able to trust that you will leave to do your thing and not be doing something that would disturb my happiness because I am always getting the worst end of the rope/stick what ever you want to call it.

Lets try this again

I am going to start blogging on a daily basis now I think because there seems to be so much going on in my life that feels too much to share with other or too stupid so its going up here from now on. I won't be doing any kind of filling you my riders if there are any even about what has been going on in my life apart from the basic things. Updated will on need to know bases related to current blogs.

I'm blogging again like I said because I am finding it hard once again expressing myself as I have in the past. I am so emotionally immersed in certain parts of my life right now which handicap me in the field of communication.